smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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