It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
