batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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