You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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