dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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