weddingsv make me drug and hornr
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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