Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
vagina is talking i cant
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
