so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well you can't waste a boner
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
