Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
