I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
