This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
