New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
how drunk are you?
Several
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
