I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
