What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
