Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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