i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
