hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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