Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
