So drunk its hurt
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
