is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
