After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
