my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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