First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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