I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
