Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
