This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
