..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
