dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
