Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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