The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
