Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
