my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
