need another drink. this is the easiest way
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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