my mouth tastes like poor choices
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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