I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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