These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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