? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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