if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
