Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize