and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
