3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
