You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
