I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
