Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize