Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
