weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
