I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
