I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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