if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
