Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
