The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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