Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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