It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
