i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
