We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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