im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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