I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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