i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
