Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize