The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Me too!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
