I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would fuck him just for his dog
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
